


Behind Blue Eyes

by Gabriel_Is_My_Guardian_Angel89



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Broken Castiel (Supernatural), F/M, Fluff, a smidge of smut, bittersweet love-making, season seven Castiel, tormented!Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:53:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25297213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gabriel_Is_My_Guardian_Angel89/pseuds/Gabriel_Is_My_Guardian_Angel89
Summary: Sometimes, the old Castiel can be seen underneath the protective shell he dons to hide away from the pain, usually when he is most vulnerable. It never lasts long enough though, does it?
Relationships: Castiel (Supernatural)/You, Castiel/Reader
Kudos: 29





	Behind Blue Eyes

Even with his mind still a mess from taking on Sam’s torment, you could see the old Castiel still. You saw him there, behind blue eyes, when he offered you his daily gifts of honey or royal jelly. You felt it, in the soft touch of his hand. The Castiel you knew and loved, hiding behind the only coping mechanisms he could find.

Romance with your Angel was different now, going out basically an impossibility, your time spent instead playing board games or cuddling into his lap as he recited to you whichever poems lingered in his mind from ages gone by. One hand toying with your hair, the other gently resting on your hip, holding you close. 

The heat of his hand soaked through the fabric of your jeans, its familiarity comforting. You let out a soft hum as he turned you in his arms, his hands landing on your shoulders, searching out the knots he knew were there, ever protective of his guardian. You relaxed under his touch, leaning forward slightly as he worked his way down your back. You felt the hesitancy as his fingers paused at the hem of your shirt, knew his mind was working, remembering. 

“It’s okay, Cas.”   
You turned halfway to look at him, a soft smile on your lips, reassuring him. You reached a hand out and cupped his cheek, your smile growing as he leaned into it, eyes falling shut. When his eyes finally opened again, you stood from the couch, taking his hand and pulling him up with you. You looked down and felt yourself heat up at the sight of his strained slacks. 

This wasn’t the first time you had been intimate since he had been well enough to leave the hospital, but still he was cautious, as though afraid of hurting you. It did pain you to know he held such a fear, your once confident lover now self-conscious of nearly every move. 

Slowly, you leaned in and placed a small peck on his lips before leading him to the bedroom you shared in the small cabin. Once you closed the door behind you, you faced him, your fingers slow but sure as you lifted your shirt over your head. 

The two of you took your time, minutes filled with soft, gentle touches and sweet, exploring kisses as clothes were shed, your bodies soon tangling on the bed. You let him take the lead, never wanting to push him too far, too fast. Afraid he might fly away at any moment if it became too much; he had gotten better at telling you when he was feeling anxious, but still, mishaps were a regular occurrence, usually when the boys were around. 

“Beautiful,” Castiel murmured, running a hand along your side, lips pressing softly to your neck as he settled between your legs. “Always so beautiful, y/n, my lovely little rose.”

You felt yourself blush, the epithet a passing glimpse of the Angel you knew remained, deep within the mind of the one hovering over you now. These moments, when he was at his most relaxed, the most at ease, that was when you could see him best. The real him. There, behind eyes darkened with need, blue-ringed pools of ink that dared you to get lost in them. 

You felt  _ your  _ Castiel, the one not burdened with agony and regret, as he sunk into you, his cock stretching your slick cunt, filling you as perfect as always. In these moments, he was most like himself, as his thrusts picked up speed, your desire building to a crescendo. Even now, he never missed a beat, knew exactly what you needed. He always had read your body so accurately and his mind had not forgotten. Like muscle memory, his hands knew exactly where to touch you, fingers playing over your skin with sinful precision.

You could almost imagine things were as they once had been, as he pushed you over that edge, his throbbing cock rocking into you as he followed close behind, your name falling from his lips in a panted whisper. In those final moments, you could pretend that he had come back to you, your Angel, no longer in pain, no longer afraid to face the reality he had caused. You could pretend, for a little while, as he held you close, neither of you quite ready to let the fa çade fade. 

You felt the tears threatening to spill as you watched him, saw the moment when he changed back to the Castiel he now was. Saw the curtain drawing closed once again, as black pupils contracted, the blue of his irises reflecting only you. 

“I love you, Castiel”, you whispered as he faded away, hoping he truly heard you. “Please come back to me.”

“I’m here, my love.” Castiel brushed his nose playfully across yours as he eased out of you, his old self gone now. “I’ll always come back to you, you know that. Who else would be such a staunch protector as you?”

Gulping back your sob, you nodded wordlessly as he laid down beside you. You turned to your side, facing away from him as he pulled you into his embrace. You tugged the blanket up over the two of you, a wave of cold washing over you. The moments when your Castiel was back were always too brief, too far apart, and always left you feeling bereft. Still, at least he was there at all.


End file.
